Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
don't judge my taste in strippers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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