I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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