Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
