You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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