His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
