i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
