the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
