I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
