Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
