Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
