in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
