First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize