My sheets look like a crime scene.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
