Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my being single is dangerous.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
