You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
