Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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