make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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