so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
