why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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