When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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