is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
