I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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