Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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