And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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