it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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