Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
