guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
