I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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