Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
