If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize