i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
