My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize