if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
