my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize