ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
