I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
