someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
