I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
