something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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