I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
