these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
