so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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