Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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