sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Two words: nipple clamps
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