i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize