then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
