$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
