I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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