I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
