She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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