Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
