it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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