It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
