Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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