you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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