I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
