I love black thongs
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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