I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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