I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
