I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
