Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
