hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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