Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
