Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize