Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
