i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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