you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
