I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
