Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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