What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
