You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
