Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My life is pants optional.
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