Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
