guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
