oh god the rape fog is back!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
