I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
